


haikyuu group chat (sexting group)

by jessepinkmans, peedrinker



Category: Haikyuu!!, hq!! - Fandom
Genre: Crack, Memes, Multi, SKYPE GROUP CHAT, basically the product of a 3am google document, honestly dont know what this is, tw: gay, you can basically use any ship with this tbh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-16
Updated: 2016-04-22
Packaged: 2018-05-27 00:47:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6262867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jessepinkmans/pseuds/jessepinkmans, https://archiveofourown.org/users/peedrinker/pseuds/peedrinker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tanaka made a Skype group with everyone in the Karasuno team so that they could all talk and get closer but mostly so he can share his memes. Tsukishima doesn’t understand the point of the group since honestly all it does it annoys him, he decides to leave. Hinata is excited by the concept of being able to speak to everyone at once. Kageyama is unable to type properly and can’t seem to turn autocorrect on. Yamaguchi accepts his fate and lets himself get sucked into the memes. Noya is as much of a nuisance as Tanaka with all of the memes he keeps sending. Sugawara and Daichi are completely done with everyone. Asahi is scared.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I was totally against uploading this since its extremely triggering and we were both probably high when writing this however its here and I'm cringing.

**not bald** added **lightning mcqueen** , **dadchi** , **pour some suga on me** , **jolly green giant** , **illuminati confirmed** , **spiderman** , **saltasaurus** , **tamagotchi** to this conversation

12:38 AM

 

 **not bald** has renamed this conversation to “rawr XD :3”

 **not bald** : wake me up

 **not bald** : wake me up inside

 **not bald** : (can't wake up)

 **Daichi** : It's fucking 12, go to bed.

 **not bald** : but im already in bed dadchi-saaan

 **Tsukishima** : Why am I here?

 **Daichi:** I meant go to sleep and don't call me Dadchi. I'm not your dad.

 **nOYA** : WAKE ME UP

 **nOYA** : WAKE ME UP INSIDE

 **nOYA** : (cant wake up)

 **not bald** : NOYA GOOD UR AWAKE

 **not bald** : and I didn't call you dadchi wtf

 **not bald** : im kinkshaming you wtf

 **Tsukishima** : …

 **Tsukishima** has left the conversation

 **not bald** added **Tsukishima** to this conversation

 **Daichi** : Just go to bed. We have practice tomorrow morning.

 **nOYA** : BALDIE DID U SEE THAT VID I SENT YOU??????

 **not bald** : YES

 **not bald** : OOO HE NEED SUM MILK

 **nOYA:** HE

 **nOYA:** NEED

 **nOYA:** SOME

 **nOYA:** MELK

 **Daichi:** Go to bed right now or I'm kicking you off the team.

 **not bald** : Dadchi that's not fair

 **not bald** : do u need sum melk

 **Hinata (ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧** : WHAT IS THIS

 **Hinata**   **(ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧** : I LIKE IT

 **nOYA** : HINATA LOOK @ THIS <https://vine.co/v/edU9nUwJWip>

 **Daichi** : Guys go to bed or I'm making you do extra drills.

 **Kageyama:** Why does he need some milk?

 **Hinata (ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧** : OMG NOYA WHERE DID YOU FIND THAT VID???

 **Tsukishima** : It says the link right there, stupid.

 **nOYA:** its a meme kageyama

 **nOYA:** ITS SO FUNN Y RIGHT

 **Hinata (ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧** : YES SEND ME MORE

 **Asahi** : please don't send anymore

 **not bald** : <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DuT9GqUzJLY> NOYA WHO DOES THIS REMIND YOU OF??

 **nOYA:** DAD????

 **Kageyama:** but why doe s he need meilk?

 **Kageyama:** *mulk

 **Kageyama:** *milk

 **not bald** : BECAUSE THEY TOOK IT, ILLUMINATI, WHY ELSE????

 **not bald** : also DING DING DING NOYA IS CORRECT

 **not bald** : YOU WIN A MEME

 **not bald** : <http://imgur.com/HyNfZ5X>

**Kageyama:** Why did they take his milk?

 **Kageyama:** What does illuminati confirmed mean?

 **nOYA:** STIP IT IM CRYING IM GONNA WAKE SOMEONE UP

 **Daichi:** Go to bed and stop it with all these “memes”.

 **not bald** : ok guys we gotta end the memes

 **not bald** has kicked **Daichi** from this conversation

 **nOYA** added **Daichi** to this conversation

 **Kageyama:** They should give him his milk back. He might be thirsty....

 **Asahi** : you really like milk don't you?

 **not bald** : Milk is White.  
White is a color. Do you know what else is a color? That is right, green. Green has five letters. White also has 5 letters. Coincidence? I think not. White and green are both colors on the dollar bill. The USA measures money in dollars. USA has 3 letters. Triangles have 3 sides.

 **not bald** : illuminati confirmed

 **Kageyama:** I don't get it…

 **Daichi:** Tanaka go the fuck to bed you're going to scare Asahi.

 **Asahi** : can I leave now?

 **not bald** : no, Jesus, if you leave I'll just add you back

 **not bald** : and dadchi I can't sleep

 **nOYA:** are you thinking about me? ;)))

 **not bald** : wtf

 **not bald** : you know I'm straight

 **not bald** has renamed this conversation to “daichi has a daddy kink 2k16”

 **Tsukishima** : What the hell? I thought I left this chat…

 **Tsukishima** has left the conversation

 **nOYA** : cause im thinking about u bby ;))))

 **Asahi** : that's super gay noya :/

 **Hinata (ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧** : Don't be homophobic Asahi!!!!!!!

 **Hinata (ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧** : Noya r u gay?? Bc if so it's totally cool!! <333

 **not bald** : sounds like you're a little gay, spiderman

 **nOYA:** ur just jealous that im not think about u asahi

 **nOYA:** lol we all know who spiderman is gay 4

 **Kageyama:** what's gay?

 **not bald** : the definition of gay is kageyama tobio (:

 **Kageyama:** I'm gay?

 **nOYA:** home boi want some of spidermans dick

 **not bald** : NOYA STOP IM CRYING

 **Suga** : What the hell did i just walk into ?

 **Asahi** : This is sin, please don't

 **Daichi:** Suga tell them to go to bed, they won't listen to me.

 **Kageyama:** I don't understand what's going on.

 **nOYA:** mUM

 **nOYA:** DAD

 **nOYA:** lol asahi don't act like u don't want any dick either

 **Suga** : Noya what the fuck. Go to bed.

 **Asahi** : I'm not sure you know what you're talking about noya..

 **nOYA:** LOL NO

 **nOYA:** ARE U READY FOR THIS FUCKING DICK HOME BOI

 **Suga** : Noya. Stop, you're scaring the poor guy

 **not bald** : NOYA I S2 G

 **nOYA** :[ http://m.imgur.com/I5iUbZh](http://m.imgur.com/I5iUbZh)

 **Kageyama:** that's a small cat.

 **Suga** : That's a fucking dog

 **Asahi** : if I have to suffer, so does kei

 **Asahi** has added **Tsukishima** to this conversation

 **Kageyama:** no it's a cat?

 **nOYA** : what do you mean suffer

 **Daichi:** I swear to god if you don't all go to bed right now.

 **not bald** : tell kags to go to bed he's the one calling the dog a fucking cat

 **Kageyama:** It's a cat… Dogs don't look like that.

 **nOYA:** oH BOI HOW MUCH DO U BET HES ON THAT GOOD SHIT

 **not bald** : WHOS YOUR DEALER, KAGS???

 **not bald** : is it asahi

 **Asahi** : wtf guys

 **Asahi** : I don't even know what a drug is

 **not bald** : I knew it it's fucking Asahi

 **nOYA** : ASAHI GIVE SPME OF THAT GOOD SHIT

 **Asahi** : I don't sell drugs!  

 **Suga** : Guys Asahi isn't a drug dealer

 **not bald** : yOU JUST WANT ALL HTE WEED FOR YOURSELF

 **Suga** : 420 smoke weed everyday

 **not bald** has renamed this conversation to “420 smoke weed everyday -mom”

 **Hinata** **(ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧** : WHAT IS WEED?? CAN I HAVE SOME ASAHI? ??

 **Asahi** : I'm not a drug dealer hinata

 **Kageyama** : I want some weed as well, I have a sore throat.

 **Daichi:** ASAHI IS NOT A FUCKING DRUG DEALER. HE DOESNT HAVE ANY WEED GO TO BED.

 **not bald** : weed isn't going to help your throat. Your throat hurts from sucking too much dick

 **Kageyama:** I just have a cold. I didn’t suck dick?

 **Hinata (ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ *:・ ﾟ✧** : [eye emoji]

 **not bald** : hinATA WHAT IS THE INTENDED PURPOSE OF THAT EMOJI

 **nOYA:** did he suck ur dick hinata (;;

 **Suga** : I don't think this is a good time to talk about sucking dick. You should probably all sleep

 **not bald** : did dadchi suck ur dick mom

 **Hinata (ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧** : [a bunch of the eye emojis] idk what you you mean [several random emojis]

 **Daichi:** Listen to Suga and go to sleep.

 **Daichi:** And I did not suck his dick.

 **nOYA:** but u want 2 right????

 **Suga** : Noya stop go to bed

 **not bald** : Why? Is it because you're scared of the truth? ???

 **nOYA:** he already knows the truth let's be real

 **not bald** : instead of exercise tomorrow we should exorcise the Illuminati out of us all

 **nOYA:** that sounds great i’ll bring the goat

 **Daichi** : I swear to god if you bring a goat to the fucking gym I’m going to murder you.

 **not bald** : ahh well I'm feeling a little tired so I'm gonna go to bed now gn guys

 **Hinata (ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧** : goodnight tanaka senpai!!! [way too many moon and sheep emojis]

 **Asahi** : thank god now I can finally sleep

 **not bald** : sIKE

 **not bald** : YOU THOUGHT

 **nOYA** : maybe we should actually sleep tho

 **not bald** : lol no

 **nOYA:** I found ur nudes

 **Daichi:** I swear to god if you send that picture again I'm going to murder you.

 **Kageyama:** I want to see.

 **not bald** : I always knew the illuminati was a homo

 **not bald** : send my nudes noya idc

 **not bald** : its not a bad dick

 **nOYA:** its tinyyyyyyy

 **not bald** : the only tiny thing is ur brain, ugly

 **nOYA:** *gasps* i thought u loved me

 **not bald** : sry I'm sleeping can't hear u

 **nOYA:** fuck u

 **not bald** : u wish

 **nOYA:** I do ;) no homo tho

 **not bald** : that's fucking gay

 **nOYA:** <3

 **not bald** : no **️**

 **nOYA:** no??????????????

 **not bald** : no

 **nOYA:** *yes

 **not bald** : you should sleep you're becoming delusional

 **nOYA:** im going 2 cry myelf to sleep i thoght u rly loved me

 **not bald** : Go ahead

 **not bald** : CRY

 **Suga** : tanaka that's a little harsh

 **nOYA:** listen 2 mum ): ur sucha bully

 **nOYA:** good gnith i hate u

 **not bald** : good “gnith” gayboi

 **Suga** : its literally 2 am you better actually sleep

 **not bald** : good night mum

 **Daichi:** Finally. Good night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of chapter one is one part now, sorry for the split of the chapters some kid doesn't know how to use this (jk ilu dani idk how to use this either). Oh yes one more thing, emojis don't show on here so you're not experiencing the full effect of this madness, do you want a link to a readable google document of this?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lmao this is so short but neither of us know how to continue so i uploaded it . hope u have fun reading the sin™   
> -dan the man

Daichi didn't really know how they got it in the school, and quite frankly he didn't really care. He cared about getting the fucking goat out of the gymnasium. First he had to get Hinata off the goat.

“Hinata, get down from there!” He shouted, startling the red-haired boy.

“Awww,” Hinata whined. He really loved that goat.

“Why?? It's just a _goat_!”

“Why is there even a goat in here?! How long has it been here?” Daichi asked, his fingers methodically massaged his aching temples.

“Noya-senpai brought it in this morning!”

As if on cue, Noya walked into the gym, a wide grin on his face and Tanaka’s elbow resting on the top of his head.

“Daichi-san! Do you like the goat? His name is Gucci the third,” Noya asked, pushing Tanaka’s arm off of his head, muttering Something that sounded like “don’t mess up my hair, asshole”.

“No, Noya, I don't- the third? What do you mean “the third”?” Daichi asked frantically.

He could have sworn he heard the faint bleating of a second (maybe third?) goat, but to be honest, he didn't even want to know.

“Kageyama is riding one of the other goats but we lost him!” Hinata screamed in reply, obviously not understanding that Daichi was about to kill all of them.

Daichi was desperately trying to keep his cool.  
He sighed, “Forget about Tobio. Where's the third goat?”

“Noya-senpai and Tanaka-senpai locked him in the (word for supply closet that I forgot) because he was scaring Asahi!”

“Well where's Asahi?”

“That's the problem,” Noya said, awkwardly scratching his head, “We don't know…”

Daichi breathed out heavily through his nose. “Did you lock him in there as well?”

Tanaka’s eyes suddenly widened. He began to wring his hands.

“Well… If by locking him in the closet you mean forgetting to check if he was in the closet and shutting the door and locking it… then maybe?”  
Daichi heard a muffled voice call out for him, followed by the bleating of that damn goat. He began to make his way over to the closet when Hinata grabbed his arm.

“No! Don't open it!” He cried out.

“Why not?”

“Because Gucci is mean and you're gonna let him out!”

“Asahi is in there! I need to let him out, Hinata!”

Daichi shouted, pulling his arm away to unlock the door and roughly pull it open.

He was greeted by a pair of horns in his groin and a very scared Asahi running out of the gymnasium. He was drenched in sweat and probably tears. Today was going to be a long day.

It took them 13 hours to find all three goats and put them on leashes so they could be returned to the farm which Noya and Tanaka had gotten that from. Hinata cried. Noya and Tanaka didn't show up to give back the goats. They had their own plans.

_**To gay ass fag nOYA:** _  
_**I CANT BELIEVE DAICHI STOLE OUR** _  
_**SONS CAN YOU BELIEVE** _  
_**THIS SHIT** _

_**To calliou lookin hoe:** _  
_**THIS CANT BE LEGAL** _

_**To gay ass fag nOYA:** _  
_**HOW WOULD HE FEEL IF WE STOLE SOMETHING HE LOVED** _

_**To caillou lookin hoe:** _  
_**TANAKA** _

_**To caillou lookin hoe:** _  
_**LETS KIDNAP SUGA** _

It wasn't hard, really. Suga is far too caring to turn down a request for help. So when Tanaka asked him to help move some boxes from the supply closet to the art room, it was expected that he would accept with no questions asked. The questions came after Tanaka had locked him inside.

After a few minutes of Tanaka threatening to tell everyone that Suga had a daddy kink if he didn’t quiet down and Suga denying his daddy kink, everything was settled. Suga admitted defeat.


End file.
